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Hyborian jokes to make even a Cimmerian laugh!

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Q: What do you have when 100 Stygians are buried up to their neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

A Priest of Mitra dies and finds himself at the Gates of Paradise. Mitra appears and asks, “Why should I let thee enter? What good hath thee done?” The Priest said, “Well, once I was in The Sailor's Den and saw a group of Cimmerians drinking and cussing and sinning. I walked up the biggest one, knocked the drink form his hand, slapped him across the face, and told him he needed to do better in his life.” Mirta was impressed. “Very good my son. When did this happen?” The Priest rubbed his elbow and said, “Oh, a few minutes ago.”

One day a Cimmeriam and an Aquilonian are walking through the woods when they see some rabbit turds. The Aquilonian asks “What are those?” “They're smart pills,” said the Cimmerian. “Eat them and they'll make you smarter.” So the Aquilonian ate them and said, ''Blah! These taste like crap!'' ''See,'' said the Cimmerian, ''you are getting smarter already.''

Two Cimmerians are fishing in a lake when a Stygian comes to join them. But instead of getting out a pole, the Stygian walks across the surface of the water, grabs a fish, and takes it back to his bucket. Five times he does this before he picks up the bucket and walks home. One Cimmerian turns to the other and says, "These Stygians think they be so damn smart--they don't even know how to swim!"

A Stygian and Cimmerian were captured by a Vanir raiding party. They were bound and brought before the warchief who grinned a little and eyed the prisoners and stroked his red beard before he spoke. He said: You two were trespassing and the penalty for that is twenty strikes with a sturdy stick on the back! But because I am feeling generous I will consider one request before you are punished. The Stygian steps forward and demands his armor. That's granted and the Stygian gets twenty hits on his back, after which the armor is removed.
Then it’s the Cimmerian's turn. He spits at the chief's feet and demands forty hits with the stick, claiming twenty is too few. The Stygian starts to laugh and calls the Cimmerian an arse, but the Vanir warchief is impressed. He grants the Cimmerian a second request for his bravery. The Cimmerian grins and and asks for the Stygian to be strapped to his back.
A priest of Mitra, a Tempest of Set, and a Bear Shaman are comparing their religions, when the subject of what is done with money collected by their faithful comes up. The Priest says, “I draw a line on the floor and throw all the coins into the air; whatever falls on the right side goes me and whatever falls on the left side goes to Mirta.” The Shaman says, “I do something like that, except I use a large circle; what falls outside the circle goes to me and whatever falls inside the goes to the Spirits.” The Tempest then says, “I too have a system; I throw all the coins into the air, and whatever The Old Serpent catches, he can keep.”
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Posted Jan 25, 17 · OP
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thank you for the post. these are very funny.
Posted Jan 25, 17
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lol thanks for that!
Posted Jan 25, 17
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These are awesome, haha!
Posted Jan 26, 17
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If you with to read more about Shadyia, I published a book of her adventures. Find it here:

Beneath the Silver Rose: Book 1 Shadyia Ascendant

Spoiler: Shadyia: Sword in handShow
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Posted Jan 27, 17 · OP
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